Romance scam red flags: how the script works and when to walk away
Industry / situation. Updated 2026-09-13. About 5 minutes to read.
Never send money, gift cards or cryptocurrency to someone you have not met in person, however long you have been talking.
A romance scammer is patient. They spend weeks building trust before money is ever mentioned, and the first request often looks small and reasonable. The FBI received 23,159 romance and confidence fraud complaints in 2025 with 929 million dollars lost. UK Finance recorded 39.2 million pounds lost to romance scams in 2025, its highest total ever.
The script is predictable once you have seen it. This guide lays it out week by week, lists the phrases that give it away, and explains what to do if you or a parent has already sent money.
How a romance scam unfolds, stage by stage
First contact: a like or message on a dating app, Facebook, Instagram, or a 'wrong number' text that turns friendly.
The profile: attractive photos, a respectable job that explains distance, such as an oil rig engineer, a deployed soldier, a doctor with an aid agency, or a businessperson overseas.
The move: within days they ask to continue on WhatsApp, Telegram or text, away from the dating app's safety tools.
The bond: constant messages, early declarations of love, plans for a future together, and excuses whenever a video call is suggested.
The test: a small favour, such as a gift card for a phone top-up or help paying a fee.
The crisis or the opportunity: a medical bill, a customs charge, a frozen account, a flight home, or an offer to show you how they make money trading crypto.
The escalation: larger payments, then fees, taxes or penalties to 'release' the money, and sometimes a request to receive and forward money for them.
Red flags in what they say
'I'm working on an oil rig' or 'I'm deployed overseas, so I can't video call.'
'This app isn't secure, let's talk on WhatsApp or Telegram.'
'My camera is broken' after weeks of messages.
'I've never felt this way about anyone' within the first week or two.
'My bank account is frozen, I just need help with the customs fee.'
'Let me show you the platform I use, the returns are guaranteed.'
'Don't tell your children, they won't understand us.'
'Can you receive a transfer for me and send it on?' This makes you a money mule, which can be a crime.
Any request for gift cards, cryptocurrency, wire transfers or a crypto ATM deposit.
Checks you can run in ten minutes
Run their profile photos through a reverse image search such as Google Lens or TinEye. Stolen photos often appear under other names.
Search their name and job together with the word scam, and search any distinctive phrases from their messages.
Ask for a live video call and a specific action, such as touching their ear or holding up today's date. Refusal after weeks is an answer.
Ask local questions a real resident of their claimed town could answer without searching.
Paste a money request into the scam message checker to see which scam patterns it matches.
Tell one friend or relative the full story, including the money requests. Scammers rely on secrecy.
If a romantic match introduces an investment app that shows fast profits, stop depositing. These platforms display fake balances, then demand 'taxes' or 'unlock fees' when you try to withdraw.
If you already sent money
Stop sending money, even if they threaten, beg or claim the next payment releases everything.
Call your bank on the number on your card. Ask for a recall of transfers and a dispute on card payments. For gift cards, call the card issuer. For crypto, contact the exchange you sent from.
Save the conversation, profile links, phone numbers, wallet addresses and payment receipts before the scammer deletes the account.
Report it. US: ReportFraud.ftc.gov and ic3.gov. Australia: ReportCyber at cyber.gov.au and Scamwatch. England, Wales and Northern Ireland: Report Fraud on 0300 123 2040, or Police Scotland on 101. Canada: the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre on 1-888-495-8501.
Report the profile to the dating app or social network so they can remove linked accounts.
Expect recovery scams. The FBI has warned about fake law firms that contact romance and crypto scam victims and charge fees to recover funds.
Helping a parent who believes the relationship is real
Arguing rarely works, because the scammer has spent months predicting your objections. Ask questions instead: have they ever video called, why does every plan to meet fall through, and why does the money always need to be sent a particular way?
Show the reverse image search results privately and calmly. Ask the bank to add a note to the account, and if your parent has been asked to receive money for their partner, explain clearly that this can make them part of a fraud investigation. Losses in these scams are often retirement savings, so involve the bank early.
Frequently asked questions
How can I tell if someone online is a romance scammer?
The strongest signs are refusing live video calls, moving the chat off the dating app quickly, a job that explains why they can never meet, and any request for money, gift cards or crypto, or an introduction to an investment platform.
Can I get money back from a romance scam?
Sometimes, if you act fast. Banks can try to recall transfers and card payments can be disputed. UK Finance reported that 67 percent of romance scam losses were returned to victims in 2025. Crypto and gift cards are much harder to recover.
They sent me money first. Does that prove they are genuine?
No. Sending you money is a common way to use you as a money mule or to build trust before a larger request. Do not forward funds for anyone you have not met.
Is it a romance scam if they never asked for money directly?
It can be. Many now ask you to invest alongside them rather than send them money. The platform they recommend is controlled by the scammer.
Should I confront the scammer?
There is no benefit. Stop replying, save the evidence, block them and report the account. Confrontation often triggers threats or a new story.